Right On Cue (April/May 2009)

At the three month mark of our move to France my determination plummeted and my spirit of adventure took a vacation. I was right on cue.

According to a friend of mine who teaches English and has studied the psychological patterns of people who move to a new country, there's a dramatic dip in attitude at the 3 - 4 month mark. Much to my chagrin I exactly fit the profile. There I was at the three month mark: wondering why it takes 45 minutes to arrange a new delivery date for a clothes dryer (not including the amount of time it took me to look up the vocabulary involved or review how to sound out numbers, say my alphabet and spell my name); wondering how I can console my husband as he longs for his former team's camaraderie and struggles with the culture shock of a French workplace; wondering why I've severed my son from his Canadian playmates and instead am dropping him off in a pure French school where he doesn't understand the rules and has anxiety because he can't explain himself when he gets into trouble; wondering what possessed me to move to a country whose people thrive on bread and cheese when my son is allergic to both of these things; wondering when I'll be able to hold a conversation in French rather than repeat a script in a bad accent; and questioning a move that nailed us to the wall financially and took us far from family, friends, playdates and a magnificent coastline...

Lots of doubt, focus on what we'd given up and a poisonous dose of "poor me" kept me in a black mood for about three days. I drank wine, walked in the rain and watched multiple episodes of "House" and "The Tudors". In keen synchronization, Grenoble sported thunder storms. Then I got over my maladie and started reapplying myself to viewing this move as an adventure ... and we went on holiday. That ALWAYS helps.

It's been an incredibly busy two months.

APRIL in a nutshell:

- England for 16 days to celebrate Grandma Gilly's Birthday
My in-laws were gracious and fun. Callum and I had some intriguing adventures (see photos) on our own by train and with Uncle Mark, and then Colin joined us for the celebration of his mom's birthday. What a riot. We had a spectacular day at Castle Howard, there was a surprise party for Grandma Gilly in the evening, a meal the following day and lots of visiting with the Walker/Wray/Bowie side of the family tree. We also managed to spend some quality time with Great Grandma Bucknell and the Bucknell side. Overall it was an excellent visit.

- Colin picked out a stove, fridge, washer, dryer, music player and T.V. and did a smashing job.
I've never loved my appliances before. These are brand new, brushed steel (one) and energy efficient. They're sensible and sexy. How is that possible?

- We moved into our new apartment
We love the location. Lots of parks, great activities to walk to (climbing, outdoor markets, swimming pools, etc.), close to friends and/or public transport. We can see two sets of mountains from our two balconies and there's a new shopping area and park being built across the street. I walk Callum to school, Colin only needs to take one bus to work and I walk to my French classes. The apartment itself is sunny, quiet, spacious and has great water pressure, wooden and tiled floors and a large tub. In addition there is a bike locker and "a cave." The cave is damp and creepy. If we were truly French we'd use it as a cellar and keep our wine there. As it is, whatever needs to be stored but can deter mould will probably wiggle its way down there. To top it all off, our landlord is awesome. Jolly and retired, he responds to most requests within two days. Thanks also to Sylvie, our relocation specialist who has turned many a bureaucratic nightmare into a smooth move.

- We borrowed items from friends (mostly Steph and Andrew - THANKS!) and did a massive IKEA shop after we realized we had no way of eating, sleeping and washing in an empty shell of a home.

- Callum started school
Agony. I don't recall much in my life that has ripped me apart like this. Prying my bawling orangatang-limbed child off my body and handing him over to a teacher he can't even talk to, knowing he doesn't understand the rules or what's being said about him, and having him at the mercy of the good graces (ha!) of kids during recess was a hideously nauseating experience. He was so desperate not to go to school that he felt sick and even faked a broken leg. For two weeks I felt like a blind person, unable to see beyond the grief, anxiety and loneliness of Callum. His teacher, Helene Lazzarotto, was awesome - she would take him from my arms and he would wrap himself around her, a safe harbour. Another parent told me Helene would hold Callum for 2 - 5 minutes, until he'd gathered himself together and was ready to mix with the other kids. Helene wasn't worried about him, she could see that he's motivated by his desire to be social.

Now, six weeks after he started attending school, he's happier. He delights in time with kids and they like him. Their eyes light up when they see him. They greet him with: "Bonjour Callum" or "Cou cou." That last saying legitimately means hello, although I scolded Callum for it until I caught on. Loads of kids call his name on the playground after school and parents and kids greet both of us. We're starting to run into people we know when we're downtown and even when we were in Paris! Callum, on his part, has had to learn not to talk during quiet time, not to dance during story time, and to walk holding hands when going on field trips. Apparently he talks a lot, tells epic stories (He says he's teaching the kids English). He still has anxiety around pooing at school (given the lack of privacy in the wee washrooms I'm not surprised), not comprehending expectations and getting in trouble. What bothers me most is that he currently sees himself as stupid because he can't understand what is going on, but as he learns French things will get better. After all, it's only been six weeks.

The teachers think he'll be bilingual by Christmas.

- Paris for 2.5 days
Awesome and intense. We did a whirlwind visit that included a national holiday on the Friday and the witnessing of a massive 1.5 million people demonstration, a visit to the Notre Dame Cathedral, the Sacre Coeur and the Louvre, a wander around the Left Bank which is the district for philosophers, artists and musicians, and a hike up the infamous Eiffel Tower. See photos.

- Eurodisney for 2.5 days
Also awesome and intense! What a hoot. The most relaxing holiday we've had in a long time. Just pure fun. The Disneyland Resort covers 500 acres, dedicated to inspiring wonder and promoting family fun. The studios specialized in creating magic with stunts, special effects and spectacular sets. The Parc presented five lands for exploration. At first I was reluctant to tell people we were going, but for a family needing relief from stress and where all members are thrill seekers who thrive on stimulation of the imagination, it was a cool trip. Callum was hilarious. When we entered the Parc he said, "Look out Disney, here I come!" and "Oh yeah!" When he dropped his scoop of gelato he took my hand and led me over and said, "Let me show you the scene of the accident..." When facing thrill rides like roller coasters, he would proclaim, "Bring it on!" Such a passionate, clever and adventurous little guy.

One weird thing that I noticed at Disney is the fascination Europe has with cowboys and Indians. Davy Crocket, the Wild West and Wild Bill Hickock are all popular here, as well as shotguns, runaway mining trains, bows and arrows. In Children's Literature and in French toy stores plenty is available regarding the history of North America that would be considered politically and anthropologically incorrect in Canada. Some Europeans find our fascination with Knights and the medieval times equally as odd.

- I learned how to pay bills in French
You would not believe how long it took me to figuere that stuff out. Thanks again Sylvie! (She rescues/educates us when we get too befuddled by French paperwork, methodology or the contrast between rules and subsequent actions taken).

- I learned how to fix our boiler

- We dealt with a leaky toilet

- We successfully returned our DVD player
But did not successfully pick up another one. It took 6 weeks for them to say come and get a different one (ours broke on the second use). They called us in, but didn't tell us they have none in stock. Would we take a floor model? No.

- Callum started speaking French
MAY 7 = Callum voluntarily said "Merci" and "Au revoir". He can now say, "Je m'appelle Callum." He comes out with words here and there, but in general says that he can understand stuff but not speak it. I get it. I can see it in him and in myself. My vocabulary has increased tremendously but the more I comprehend the vast sea of French grammar the less I can bring myself to bastardize this beautiful language.

- French lessons for Colin and myself

- Figuered out where to buy cheaper, fresher vegetables

- I had an appointment at the Grenobel Graduate School of Business, seriously checked out the MBA program (with tuition starting at 24,000 Euros I don't think so!).
My friend Isabelle pointed out how useful this would be at this juncture of my career. The international program sounds perfect for me and would give me a leg up in the workplace, but it's way too costly even though they take my experience into consideration. I may consider a diploma though. Grenoble Graduate School of Business has several locations: Grenoble, London, Moscow, Tbilisi, Chisinau, Malta. There are 12 countries represented in their program at present. It would be so cool to do a Masters of International Business. It speaks to the anthropologist in me. Check out http://www.grenoble-em.com/.

- Colin started snowboarding on the Wii.
Gathered infinitesemal points, dude.

- We all started doing Wii fit.
We made icons of our loved ones on the Wii so that you do soccer, step classes, hula hooping, yoga and boxing right alongside us. Many thanks to Ang and George for this most generous gift.

- I found a family doctor who speaks some English (his wife is from Quebec).

- Still don't have our stuff - and don't know where it is!


MAY in a nutshell:

- time with new-found friends

- figuered out a budget XXX Boo Hiss.
In April I was more stymied. I didn't have a residence permit, a work permit, the ability to speak French and also jobs are being cut right now, not created. In May I got my residency permit and the permission to work ... for the next 10 years. I'm legit and they're not going to kick me out of the country! Now I really need to concentrate on learning French so that I can seek employment once Callum is back in school in September. The upbeat part of this is that even though we live in the 2nd most expensive location in France (England is cheaper!), the exchange rate to the Canadian dollar is great.

- figuered out French holidays - complicated but wonderful.
I'm not even going to try to explain this triple-tiered behemoth called Jabberwocky.

- learned how the French residents get deals on travel
I bought a resident pass for the trains which gives me 25% off all the time, and 50% off for me and three other people on all weekends and holidays for my region and the five closest to the Rhone-Alps. Handy. Learning the websites to keep an eye on, how to get deals on car rentals, and how Schneider reimburses portions of plane travel. We're still getting too excited though about where we can go, and need to keep a closer eye on our bank account.

For those of you travelling here, sometimes the deals are better if bought outside of the country. Also, getting to and from Grenoble is not cheap. The cheap deals are through Paris and London.

- Day trip to Lyon
Awesome. See photos. Met a man there who runs a vineyard where people can stay overnight. We may do so ... his website is http://www.grille-midi.com/. Lyon is faster paced, larger and louder than Grenoble. We've realized through our travels through France so far that we like the people in Grenoble the best. They're friendly, straightforward and unpretentious.

- Day trip to St. Pierre en Chartreusse
One of our favourite places. A pleasant winding road up into the Chartreusse mountains and then an easy walk to the river, forest or mountain meadows. Loads of trails. Can't get enough of this type of wandering.

- Day trip to Annecy
A gem of a place which we will take all our visitors to. A Medieval Quarter where the colours, textures and architecture sing to the eye, daily-made Gelato in flavours that burst the palate like fireworks soaked in lemonade ... and a lake to refresh hot leathering skin.
Check out: http://www.france-for-visitors.com/alps/annecy/index.html

- Day trip to Du Bois Francaise
Reminds me of Elk and Beaver lakes back home, or Algonquin Park in Ontario. More manicured than home, and more stones than sand, but soothing, safe and playful. A place to breath deeply when the oppressive heat in the city centre steals air from our lungs.

- I passed my French test!
Only just. I'm not used to coming so close to the edge with academia. Makes me sweat.
My stinks grammar, but my vocabulary is extensive and exponentially expanding.

- talked extensively with my landlord - M. Dupont.
He has jolly eyes and his hands talk like a Spaniard (which in fact he is) even if he's speaking French. I wish I could listen to his tales. He is valiant - expends great energy trying to help me understand him.

- Festival in our community
We love where we live. Have I said that already? Check out the website http://www.ruelakanal.com/. There are pictures there by Bruno Moyen. Click on Moments de Pause to see a slide show of his photos of our neighbourhood - Championnet. He captures the spirit of this place, manages to show the gleam of character under the smear of dirt, the honed muscles beneath the haggard skin.

- I started losing weight because I'm walking again, and walking at the pace of an adult instead of a four year old (or the pace of an adult carrying a four year old).

- We acquired a new Betta fish: "R2D2Fsh"
I taught him how to jump up and eat a food pellet from my finger. Then one day he leapt up too vigorously and flew four feet onto the floor. Now I use calming words and keep my hands low.

- We held our first party: "Mamma Mia"
One of our friends is French so we put on the French subtitles ... which resulted in French words for the songs. Hilarious. Try it and see if you don't wet yourself.

- Had playdates with two different sets of kids from Callum's school
Two moms have reached out to me and Callum. One of them spent two years in Quebec with her husband and her son in Callum's class was born in Canada. The other is originally from Philadelphia but has lived here for 10 years and is married to a Frenchman. Both have two sons. They're gracious, interesting, globally oriented and intelligent women who have a solid understanding of the challenges I'm facing. I'm grateful they've reached out to me, especially since Callum is the only child in his school who speaks English as a first language. And because there are messages to parents on the chalk board sometimes that have red triangles around them and exclamation marks and I KNOW I need to understand those notes. Allies are not a luxury, they are a necessity.

- Discovered how expensive it is to travel in Europe

- Survived, so far, the global restructuring of Schneider

- Still don't have our stuff but know that it's sitting in a port in Liverpool, England and have filled out all the appropriate additional paperwork except the letter to the mayor of Grenoble which will allow the moving truck to park on our public residential street.

Because the sun does NOT rise and set in my bellybutton, I want to acknowledge that there are many things going on in the lives of our respective families, particularly around health. I celebrate that my mom is holding her own, I hope my sister's tests come back clear, and I'm thrilled that my dad is sickenly healthy. Also, Bravo! Richard for passing your drivers' test. Cindy, how awesome to have your professional photo in "The Watchmen" book. Our love and concern to Auntie Shirley as she recovers from surgery, our joy goes to Ang and George for their recent news, our congrats to Michel, Christopher and David for their Nigerian adventure, and our thanks to all family that hosted and entertained us in England (that includes you Nodge!). Thanks also to many friends and family members who have encouraged, supported and laughed with us/at us during our transition.

EPIPHANIES AND HIGHLIGHTS

Swimming

I took Callum swimming at a pool the other day. The lifeguard was all over us like a fruit fly on over-ripe papaya. I couldn't figuere out why. I thought he was worried about Callum being in the deep end, but Callum can swim. Turns out Callum's "beach" trunks were inappropriate swimwear. They are considered unhygenic. Speedos are the trunks of choice in pools around here. And for your convenience they can be purchased in any size from the vending machine in the lobby.

So that's what I did. I purchased a pair of tiny trunks for Callum. It made him walk like a cowboy. I don't think he's ever worn anything so tight around his miniscule bottom. In the changeroom he kept saying, "They're too tight!" I reassured him that they would stretch in the water. They did, and he felt better, but it must've still felt odd because for at least the first seven times of him rising out of the pool he would spend a few minutes trying to get his hands down his trunks to readjust himself. When I told a friend of ours of Callum's experience, he said, "You wouldn't catch me in one of those marble bags, no way!" Banana hammock also came up in the conversation as Colin agreed with the assessment. I guess we'll be swimming in lakes this summer.

It Takes a Community to Raise a Child

I've realized that a major area of discomfort for me is that I cannot contribute to community on the playground. I am accustomed to coaching both parts of the equation when there is an altercation with my child. The way to build community is by understanding other points of view, developing compassion and cultivating collaberation. When I can only coach Callum and not speak with other kids in the playground, I feel compromised and handicapped. When Callum cannot benefit from the input of other adults when there are misinterpretations of intent, cultural challenges or development of new skills are required, he is missing out on part of the richness of life. As a person, a Mennonite and a mother I miss being part of a larger community where we can use language as a bridge. I suppose I need to be patient, persistent and have faith that we will get to that point even here, in an adopted country. Maybe the benefits will be even more comprehensive once we push through the initial "mountain" of language acquisition. Derek Pritchard once told me that a person can go wide or go deep. He was talking of learning through travel or community. They aren't mutually exclusive. I hope to do both. I hope Callum will get the best of both "worlds". In the meantime, please note that your presence in our lives, in his life, is precious. You are a part of our community and it takes a community to raise a child.

Weather

It's warm here. It can be 26 degrees and Grenoble residents will still be wearing jackets and scarves. Frightens me. How hot will it get if this is considered chilly? It's actually so muggy some days that it's too hot to eat.

Men in Pink

I love the attitude here. Men wear pink, carry manbags and ride their childrens scooters home after dropping their kids off at school. Such confidence.

Boomerang

People who come here to live for just a few years are called Boomerangs. The French people are more hesitant to invest personal time in you if your contract is finite. Ours is open-ended.

Paris: Photos I wish I'd Taken (saw these incidents but didn't catch them digitally)

1. The guy who was smoking while riding a motorcyle

2. The guy who jay-walked across the street while carrying a glass of wine

3. The couple in the park who kissed so long Colin and I couldn't believe they didn't come up for air. Over 10 minutes for sure.

4. The fellow in the Latin District the moment he realized he'd stepped in dog poo.

5. The fellow frozen in place at the cafe next to the Louvre. He'd just received the check for his burger and beer. We'd looked at the menu in there and it was over 20 Euros for a burger, roughly 30 Canadian dollars. He was in a state of disbelief.

There's a book here called, "Friends, Foes and Countrymen." Seems apt. Everywhere there are potential allies in the midst of this wild ride called life. Adversity greets us daily, but his companion is wonder. I hope you're enjoying life as much as I am.

With love and wishing you good health and joy,

Ramona

P.S. My spell check isn't working properly and my four year old is restless, so I'm bound to be embarassed at some horrendous mistake, but I'll live. I'd rather get this posted. Please take this joyful note in the manner it was intended. Now that's enough of me being overly earnest (result of wholesome Prairie living). Have a great day!